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I became well acquanted with my daughter's digestive system today. Both ends of it.
Claudine is on call this weekend. And she delivered two babies late last night/early this morning. One of the other things that being on call means is that even if there are no delivery occuring at the moment, she still has to go into the hospital in the morning to "do her rounds." She has to check on people who have delivered their babies the day before, discharge patients who are ready to leave, and perform circumcisions (on the baby boys). Combine these two responsibilities and that leaves Claudine a very tired person this afternoon. So she went to sleep. And that is when the very clever Annabel choose to expose me to all sorts of gross bodily functions.
First, she hadn't pooped all day. So when she started getting fidgety and all red in the face, I kinda figured that I would have a doody diaper to change soon. I waited for all the squirming, facial contortions and odd noises - from both ends - to end. I waited about 15 minutes. Then I took her upstairs and plopped her on the nice white pad of changing table. I opened her diaper and found what looked like a bottle of mustand had exploded in her pants. Luckily, she is still only eating breast milk and lactose-free formula, so literally her shit don't stink. Changing a doody diaper is always unpleasant, but not having the accompanying stink is still a nice thing. I wiped her clean, lifted her legs and pulled out the offending diaper. I wrapped the dirty wipes in the dirty diaper and turned ever so slightly to throw the diaper into the pail. As I did, I heard a slight noise - kind of like the sound when you squeeze out a ketchup packet. I look back at her and find more of the mustard making its appearance. And Annie's face was still red. I kept wiping as she kept producing. Hmmm. It was much more amusing when it happened than when you read it. It just seems disgusting now.
So I got her cleaned up and sprayed that stain stuff on the changing table pad. Then I got a bottle of breast milk ("boobie milk" as Bobby calls it) and sat on the couch to watch some T.V. while feeding her. She was snuggled in my lap and I got about 3/4th of a 6 ounce bottle into her when she started making some really weird noises. Noises I hadn't heard from her before. She turned her eyes to me and spewed up a small amount of fluid. I just figured that something went down the wrong pipe. I grabbed a cloth diaper and brought it up to her lips to wipe up the fluid. BBBLLLAAAARRRRFFFFF!!! The contents of her stomach just erupted. The vomit splashed off the cloth in front of her face and richoceted back square onto her face. Now she's shocked to be covered in white chunky stuff - some of which landed in her eye... which was the grossest thing for me. I wiped her face pretty quickly but had to really work at getting the stuff out of her eye. Nasty business. She wasn't happy about any of it. Then it was back upstairs to change her clothes. And mine.
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