Sorry its been a while since I updated last. Its been a rather bizarre couple of weeks.
My wife's grandmother died this morning. She had not been doing well for the past 2 weeks. And when I say not doing well, I don't mean she was sick. She basically decided to shut down. I find something very positive about that. There is something noble somehow about choosing to pass on. We've all been told that death is something you have no control over. When your number is up, your number is up. But some older people have the ability to choose the time and manner of their own death. I don't mean suicide - suicide is rarely noble. I mean the ability to decide to die and have your body listen.
I first met the woman the same day that I met my future mother-in-law. Claudine's parents are divorced and not really talking to each other. There was a great deal of animosity there. That doesn't seem important right now, but I'll explain in a minute. We pulled up to Claudine's house and her mother and grandmother were out in the front yard planting flowers. We exchanged pleasantries and they were very nice. I made some strange joke as I am wont to do and they both laughed. So I liked them right away. Two weeks later, Claudine and I were going to a family reunion - but the family being reunited was her father's side. I was quite surprised to find Claudine's grandmother there. I looked to Claudine for explanation. It was only then that I found out that the grandmother I met was her father's mother. But this woman didn't care about that. Her son got a divorce, she didn't - she kept her relationship with her daughter-in-law strong to the end. In fact Claudine's mom was mentioned in the obituary as "her special daughter".
Grandma had been having some circulation problems in the past year. Last week, she basically stopped doing anything. She stayed in bed and stopped eating. Her daughter (our Aunt Carol) and Claudine tended to her and nursed her back to some form of health, but still couldn't get her to eat. All she said was that she didn't want to go to the hospital. Claudine forced to answer some very specific questions about what kind of care she wanted. At first, the only answer she got was "whatever you think is best". When Claudine convinced her that she wanted to hear an honest answer instead of what Grandma thought she wanted to hear, the answer was "I think I'd just like to go". I was very sad for Claudine, but it was the best thing for everyone. It gave everyone a chance to talk with her one last time and prepare themselves for the enivitable. It also allowed Claudine and her Aunt Carol to make her last days comfortable and peaceful.
The phone rang at 3:30 this morning. Claudine reached over me to answer it while I struggled to wake up. She was sleeping very lightly. She was out of bed quickly. Claudine wanted to be the doctor of record on her grandmother's death certificate. For me, that seems like a bizarre thing, but it seemed to be comforting to Claudine.
Claudine's grandmother was a very sweet woman. She was incredibly kind and unassuming. She could talk trash with me and the next minute she could be gentle and caring to my kids. She was obviously a major part of the bloodline that created the woman I love. I miss her.
